watching the sky for something sweet

I spent most of the break between graduating university and moving to London on top of this parking garage, at the edge of the university and the city that I did not love until I realized that I was leaving.

We sold this gem of a car on the way to the airport. She and I were together for twelve years. I miss her terribly. RIP Belle.

twilit flame

Karleigh and I drove for hours and hours because we knew that Tybee Island was at the end, and when we got to the beach, we just stared. It was like we had never seen the ocean before.

On our way back to the mainland, I noticed the sun setting over the Savannah River. Karleigh had never seen the sun set over water, so I stopped, and we walked out to a bridge and sat next to fishermen and watched the sun set over Savannah.

to journey alone and know your heart

A couple of weeks ago, I had to get my biometrics done in order to apply for my visa. The appointment assigned to me was in a city three hours from my hometown, and I went alone, and got lost, and managed a visit to the beach. It's always odd to go to places like the beach, or a historic town, or even a rest area, alone. It makes me more introspective.

The self portrait in the mirror is one that I've taken three times over the past year and a few odd months. Every time I'm in the area, I stop. It's a growing experience. The first time I stopped, I was with my best friend at the time. The second time, I was meeting a person who had been close to me and grown away. This time, I was alone, and I was oddly okay with it.

a little bit raw

these are a little bit too real for me to feel comfortable with.

my soul to cleave to You

I turned 22. I was so excited, the same as a child, that I woke up early and went out praying at sunrise. I ended up at the river landing. It was the most magnificent feeling, being in the midst of God's creation in all of its glory.

Reflexive

I spent time seeing who I was through my camera.

those I haunt

I recently read the surrealist novel Nadja by Andre Breton, and he discusses that our identities could be defined by who we haunt.

I do not haunt people, but I leave fragments of myself behind in words and photographs.

knit the ghosts of my steps

I am back to living alone and not knowing who my close friends are.
I am back to glorying in my Saviour alone.

This is 120 black and white film. I shot it on my Holga, hence the black spots and distortion with focus.

what did you say that for?

I have spent a lot of days alone. I have tried not to think. But last night, I stared at the ceiling in the darkness instead of sleeping and let all the thoughts out.

 I used to be good at talking about things, but now I'm not so sure.

like death warmed over

This is a horrible self portrait that did not turn out like I wanted, and still I am posting it, because this picture is what mono feels like.

more than a reflection

I got into self portraiture around the same time that I got my first dslr camera in 2009. At first, I explored self portraiture because I had a lack of models and was better at portraits than any other type of photography, but as time went on, I began to realize that self portraiture was a way for me to put myself into the scenes of my choice and exhibit my own story using my body and that scene.

I am a theatre major at university. I spend my school days collaborating with others and my nights in rehearsals, endeavoring to communicate with people as a character. I have to be conscious of my fingertips and feet and elbows and spine, the way I walk as a character, where I am spacially, what my face is saying, in short, everything that I use in self portraiture. When I do a self portrait, I am the designer, director, and actress. I combine aspects of what I have learned as a student of theatre with the art of photography, and the end result is my self portraiture.

I don't just go out randomly to take pictures of my beautiful face. When I take a self portrait, it isn't an attempt to feed my narcissism. I do self portraiture to convey something specific. Every portrait that I take has a purpose behind it. My digital self portraits are more refined than my film portraits, but I love film self portraits because of the raw honesty. What you see in these self portraits is the moment as it was - my posture, my hair, my face, where I was, what I was really feeling. It hasn't been manipulated. It's real.

It's easy to get away from reality when you're an actress. You live so much of your time in a character's head, or trying to figure out what is in their head, that you find yourself playing the character of yourself when you are away from the stage. Or at least, I did. I found that I was rarely completely honest with my friends and family. So I started an honesty project in which it was just me and my camera, and I endeavored to find honesty in moments of my life. When I felt like I was getting better at achieving that, I moved on to photographing honest portraits of my family and friends.

Self portraits are both an expression of who I am and what I feel (or sometimes, a character and their world) and a glimpse into the real dimensions of my world. They have taught me a lot about what it means to be me.

That is why I take self portraits. That is why I risk being called vain and narcissistic. That is why I wade into rivers in November or climb to the tops of mountains with a tripod or turn on my camera on the days I feel ugly and desperate.

If you don't take self portraits, I challenge to try. Try to photograph who you really are and what you want to be. See if it changes a small aspect of your life.

And if it doesn't, you'll still have photographs to show the you who tried.

A Walk Through Different Worlds

I have found that walking is when I do some of my best talking with God. Being in nature helps. I live next to a river, and I always go off of the trail to have heart-to-hearts with Jesus. These are pictures of my river and my beach and my special moments with my God.

tastes of quiet adventures

I took most of these pictures on solitary adventures that I went on. The one in the middle is from when I dragged my mother out with me.

Solitary Summer

I worked at a camp this summer, and I took a lot of self portraits, since my friends weren't around very much and I wasn't about to be that creep who photographs the children.